A List of Viable Alternatives to the Rombama Quandry

November 6 is closing in, and as usual I have no real “favorite.” At every election, I want neither of the favorite sons to win, but this time is different. I so strongly wish for both candidates to stay far away from the Oval Office that I seriously don’t know how I’m going to vote.

I’ll say that I genuinely resent Obama’s warinness in standing up for us before the rest of the world, and really when Bill Clinton is showing more common sense and loyalty than you are, it’s time to reevaluate yourself.

If you like Obama, fine- I respect your opinion, but I’m not a fan. The thing is, that just leaves us with Mitt Romney.

Power hungry religious pretender on one hand, weasel on the other… It’s Rombama 2012, everyone. The battle cry I keep hearing in my conservative circles is “Anybody but Obama!” but it really means whoever the GOP nominates instead of Obama. I have, with this in mind, compiled a list of alternative candidates who -mostly-have ballot status. Perhaps one will suit you:

  • Jim Carlson of the Grassroots Movement (I could be wrong about his party name there)

    I gather that his entire platform is focused on legalizing marijuana, but I would be willing to vote him in for his hair.

  • Jack Fellure of the Prohibition Party

    He is standing for the good idea that was Prohibition, because that was such a good idea. I’m not making light of the suffering caused by alcoholism, but I would suggest that there is a better solution to it than telling everyone they’re just not allowed to drink anymore. Apparently, though, some people still think it could work, and that type of innocence and child-like faith is beautiful. With a name like “Fellure,” how can we go wrong?

  • Roseanne for the Peace and Freedom Party

    I can’t tell, but I think she’s being serious about this. What else can I add to it?

  • Jeff Boss, independent

    Okay, you gotta just check out his website, which could be a tribute to paranoia and delusion, but then it’s highly probable that it only looks like that because the NSA has been messing it up to discredit him. That is highly probable, and you can view his evidence of this here. He comes off as a pretty solid candidate, but if he disappoints us all by losing the Presidency, you’ll get another chance at voting for him in one of the half-dozen other offices he’s shooting for.

  • Samm Tittle, independent

    I’m not gonna make fun of her name. I want to, but that would just be childish. Tittle, Tittle, Tittle! Hee hee… I gotta say, we need people to carry on the delusion that our founding fathers had a unanimous recognition of the same deity, and that it’s the same as whatever your church believes right now. That sentiment is like a national relic, and it would be a shame to let it die.

  • Ronald Gascon, independent

    This guy seems to have something of a point at first glance, and then you’re just like.. whooooah. Know what? Just go look at his website. Here are a few choice nuggets:

    “When I am out protesting and speaking out against the war on drugs, People often ask “what the h*** is a matter with you, how can you condone legalized drug use? My answer, wake up drugs are everywhere, in your bars, pharmacies, and supermarkets. The fact is that I do not condone drug use of any sort, including those toxic poisons that doctors prescribe, which are responsible for a 100,000 deaths a year. I’m not suggesting we make heroin, cocaine or amphetamines available the way we do alcohol and cigarettes.
    What am I recommending?
    Drop the “zero tolerance” baloney and the unrealistic goal of a drug free society. Accept that drug use is here to stay, and accept that marijuana is an herb, no different than saffron or st John’s wort.” 100,000 deaths a year?

    “Establishment of permanent Penal colonies, for people have proven they can’t act in a responsible way that society needs.
    That is to say three strikes at violent felonies and your are put away forever, never to have any contact or help from the outside world again.” Daaaaaang.

  • Stephen Durham for the Freedom Socialist Party

    This is a write-in vote, and for reasons which haven’t started to make sense to me yet, it is a marriage of socialism and feminism, but is aiming for worldwide human emancipation. Because, along with legalizing drug use carte blanche, stamping out capitalism is totally the way to free everybody. Just ask the droves of slave laborers in Chinese factories who produced your iPod.

  • Giuseppi Giraffe of the Spotted Party

    Finally, let me introduce you to a newcomer that you can really believe in! Giuseppi stands behind the core beliefs that you and your family face every day and is willing to fight for the issues to make a better world for our children’s children. Giuseppi is fervently convicted in the rightness of whatever you think, unless it is something stupid or wrong, at which point he’ll probably just make fun of you behind your back.

    Giuseppi for freedom, everyone! Vote the spotted ticket!

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    5 Comments »

    1. Linda Said:

      I think you have a ‘sick’ mind! LOL! I’ve laughed right out loud, but maybe you have the right idea! Have a great day. I’m going to link to you on my blog!

      • kirinjirafa Said:

        Yay! Thanks, Linda 😉

    2. zebranay Said:

      While I applaud Giuseppi’s patriotism and enthusiasm to help this country I have to say I stand by our rules of government and one is that the candidate must be a natural born American citizen. I have heard from very reliable sources that Candidate Giraffe had a “made in china” sticker on his bottom side. Is there any validity to this, because of course it would disqualify him.

      • raventracks Said:

        If this is the case, zebranay, he is welcome to come to Australia, where I Iive, and stand for office. Our current PM is Welsh born. I think he’d be a shoe-in to win. 😉

    3. Rachel Said:

      this is hilarious. I still can’t stop laughing, and yes I do think sometimes you have sick mind…LOL the dude with the sword LOL oohh, stomach in stitches…just breath, wow!!! Love it…much needed comedy in a sad time!!


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